My scream will wrap around you like a smile;

WHEN I SAID THAT I'D RETURN TO YOU I MEANT MORE LIKE A RELAPSE..

2007-08-01T03:28:31Z

School starts next Monday. Er, how great is this.
But I know this will be a better School year. No drama. It's childish and annoying. I'm just going to be focusing on my School work instead of worrying about everyone. I need to figure out my life..

OUT OF SIGHT; OUT OF M(Y) MIND.

2007-07-24T04:36:08Z

I'm doing horrible lately.. These text messages from Lina is tearing me up.. I don't know what to do for her. I don't even know what to do for myself. Let alone a lot of more people whose going through a lot. I am a mess and a wreck right now. I just want to hide away from the World for a long while and come out when I am ready. I want away from everything and everyone. I want to curl up in a ball and sit in the corner of my closet. Every haunting thought and nightmare is coming back. Summer is repeating itself.

THIS PEN IN MY HAND HAS MORE MILEAGE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW.

2007-07-18T04:17:33Z

I couldn't be happier right now. I'm stress free. Well until tomorrow.. I'm sure something will bring me down. It never fails. Clothes shopping this weekend. I need new clothes for School.. Going to Augusta and Savannah. And my mom is thinking of going to Atlanta, too. Great places there.. : / Er, I know I will end up argueing with her while I pick things out. It always happens. "Try this on, try that one!". It gets frustrating after awhile. Then on the way home we won't say anything to each other. I'll try to be patient this time. Ahaha. YEAH RIGHT. Well I am just blabbing away. I am thinking of going to bed soon.. I might watch a movie first. The Wicker Man? I love that one.

AS THE TEARS DRAIN FROM HER EYES, SHE WILL NEVER FORGET THE LIES..

2007-07-17T23:37:06Z

That camp really changed who I am. I am right with my religious beliefs now. Even though I may lose friends because of this, I don't care and I will forgive them even though I might never speak to them ever again. But I am happy I was saved. I still go days where it feels as if there's a wall between God and I. But I still pray about it.. I don't care anymore if people judge me because of who I am. I still try to get the word out. I am not ashamed to talk about it. I am happy with who I am now, I see a new out look on life now. I still like to have fun and I am now living life to the fullest. One big problem I have is jealousy. Er, it's a HUGE problem I have. But it's not the kind of jealousy where I want to be this girl or that girl. It's more like if someone has something I want, I get jealous. It's hard. But I am thankful for what I do have. Because I have everything I have ever wanted in life and more. I was watching the move Passion of the Christ last night.. Gah, Jesus endured so much pain for our sins and for out life. And it seems as if 95% of people now a days doesn't see that and they're lost. Well anyways.. NO, I will NEVER force religion on people and NO it's not all I talk about. Really.

MY SCREAM WILL WRAP AROUND YOU LIKE A SMILE, MY WHISPER WILL SET YOUR NERVES ON ICE. . .

2007-07-07T18:27:39Z

Camp on Monday morning. Which i'm leaving at 3:30 a.m. in the morning. So I will already be awake. Thank God Brookes is going. Or I would be lost there.. But I am excited about it. My mom and I are going to Savannah on Sunday since that's my last day for awhile. Well not for long. But still. Er, i'll update this shit journal when ever. I have many things to do today.

WAITING TIL' THE CLOCK STRIKES MIDNIGHT. . .

2007-06-17T06:26:44Z

Listen to the tune of the beat of your favorite song that reminds you of me. . . There's some truth behind it somewhere. . .

I really enjoyed my trip to South Carolina. Even though I missed some people. But I must say I had a lot of fun. And the beach was amazing. I really got up to date with my tan, ha. I'm really dark now. But anyways, i'm extreamly tired and exhausted right now. Late nights just aren't for me.

Un jour vous rendrez compte la vérité est le mensonge nu nu sous vos feuilles. . . Vous ferez une suite de jour en haut et rendez compte quels mensonges vous attendez dans le tunnel dans votre propre cauchemar. . .

Alright, i'm not going to sleep quite yet. I'm in the middle of reading The Last Promise, then I am off to shower and to bed.

I DIDN'T REALIZE I MISSED YOU UNTIL YOU WERE GONE. . .

2007-06-11T03:06:35Z

Life is really good, now.

So i'll be leaving in about four hours to leave for Columbia, South Carolina with my mom for a week. And while we're in SC, we're going to the beach.

And. . . I've finally written a good song that i'm proud of. When I get back from South Carolina I will share on here. I really love it and the lyrics came from the heart.

X MINUS THE FUCKING O

2007-05-16T00:57:25Z

the early morning hours in the summer hearing your voice over the phone make my break worth living for. . .

You were wearing my smile for me.

2007-05-10T23:08:51Z

My love went un said that night even before the night was over. . . And I know when you said goodnight, that it really meant goodbye. I saw fire in your eyes that last second I looked into them. . .

Well today went alright I must say. I didn't go to School today. I had a major breakdown this morning. But I guess i'm alright now. And as well this day had a plus to it, I got all my un finished homework done. So it's all good.

This Saturday = Savannah! (Staying the night at a hotel, maybe?)

Well I really want some rest right now. So phone, shower, then SLEEP!

Hate is the new rendition of love. . .

The cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are. . .

2007-05-09T01:07:49Z

It's amazing how one day, some one walks into your life and you sit and wonder how you've made it through life this far without them all this time. . .

letsplythisgame @ 2007-05-08T19:44:00

2007-05-09T00:55:09Z

Answers are just as foolish as the questions were posed to them,
because no one (really) knows,
no one can be absolutely certain about anything anymore. . .

I'm extreamly stressed out right now. I'm really questioning who I really and truely am. And starting to re think of who my "true" friends are. I may not be the smartest girl around, but I'm not blind. I've been lied to. I've been degraded, I've been stabbed in the back as if there was no tomorrow. So now I really do know. And the things people are saying about me, they are really starting to get to me. And as Brandon had said; 'Beauty is only skin deep'. I'm only human, I can't handle all this. It's too much on me. I hate that I can look into the mirror now and not love myself anymore. You have broken me down.

Either I was strong enough or I wasn't. Either way. It's most likely my fault for being who I am.
But as Brookes said; "All of this will come back on them some day, I promise".

This is all bringing me back to my past. My past is unforgettable. I hate this. . .

Now time to go study for the EOCT tomorrow.

XO

X minus the O

2007-05-06T01:56:37Z

i miss the time when we would just sit and stare at each other and then turn our faces and giggle.

i am willing to give up all my time just to be with ONLY you.

I had a semi-good day today. Since my cousin Sarah came over for the weekend, we spent the night in Savannah, GA. And we had a good time. But other than that, there is a certain someone on my mind right now. :(

xo goodnight.

the memories are golden when you was the mistake. . .

2007-05-01T21:10:37Z

i don't thrive on perfection; and i certainly don't live on inspiration. and frankly, i don't let music keep me alive. . . it does nothing for me anymore. it just makes me more emotional then i already am.

i miss the best days of my life when everything was so simple..

you cut through the air like a knife; but you stabbed me deeper then the universe can go.

2007-05-01T20:29:34Z

don't think the private calls go unnoticed.

you've changed me more then you will ever know. even though i let it happen. it's a tie in between good and bad. you said i was naive, and how dramatic i was. funny thing is you basically described yourself.

i know after what all has happened, you still love me. you've said it yourself. but i can't feel the love anymore. it's non-existent; as if it were never really there to begin with. i feel hate towards you. everyword you typed in a text message or email i get frustrated just reading it.to keep you off my mind i always wrote poetry or painted a picture. but i had trashed those. i've tried to trash every memory of you as i could. i just can't bring myself to it.

you were the blue in my sky, i was probably the dirt under your feet.

i can't fake it anymore. but i have to learn what forget means in this situation.

i know how to wear my smile; it's only for you.

so goodnight is goodbye. . . bury me in all of our mistakes and memories.

as for now, i'm very content.

xo - brit</3

i could see this one coming from a hundred miles away.

2007-05-01T02:21:57Z

let us not reminisce too much now; i'm the memories stuck inside your mind; your the mistake over my shoulders. . . - Brit </3

i guess we are never going to forget each other.

2007-05-01T02:05:31Z

there's not a drug that can ever make me forget you; i feel as if you're going to be in my mind til the day i die. </3

drama drama drama. it sticks to the end of my tongue.

2007-05-01T01:31:32Z

Boys, they make me sick.
I've thought for the past few weeks things were getting better, but they just seem to be getting worse. No one will ever know. I have no one in my life to express to how I feel. I ask for advice and they just laugh.
I can't keep going on like this.
You've hurt me more then I could've ever hurt myself.
I need a good summer, and as well find a way to get out of GA next summer.
I feel like I'm losing everything i've ever owned or had.
I obviously can't live on 2 hours of sleep a night and falling asleep in class hearing your voice.
Tons of homework to be done.
GOODFUCKINGBYE.

i'm a total wreck. . .

2007-04-23T01:30:51Z

i've come to realize, i'm in love. . . the worst feeling when you can't stand the fact that you don't know if he loves you back. i'm in fear, anxious, nervous. my stomach is turned upside down right now. i guess fear comes along with being in love.

"letters thrown and pitched under hotel room beds. . . i'm addicted to thinking of the past when you and i were gold. . . but the good times burn in the back of my mind. . ." - x3 brit.

it's friday night, no where to go, no one, just me. . .

2007-04-21T05:12:53Z

gahh, it's friday night & i'm home! ugh, the boredom kills! however, i didn't have a bad day. (for once). me and antoine are starting to get along again. even though i can't easily forgive him for what he's done.
anyways, IM WAY TOO TIRED TO TYPE! err, goodnight.

Ugh. . .

2007-04-04T22:54:27Z

I fucking hate when those post twice.
-.-

Learning to deal.

2007-04-04T22:51:49Z

Well.. I'm trying my best to forget about some things and just move on with my life. Even though it's hard to. I'm trying not to let things bother me all the time like they do. I wish I didn't have such strong emotions. . . And even though I still feel as if I really have nothing to live for, I might as well just enjoy life as I can. Even though it's completely impossible. Just for once I wish I could look into a mirror and love myself for who I am instead of standing there hating myself. I don't think words could ever describe the hate I have towards myself. And people always say, "Cheer up!". Well sorry, it's not that easy. All I can really say is i'm trying. . . I feel so stupid for what had happened last night. I was on the edge. Maybe the reason I didn't complete what I had planned is because maybe somewhere in the back of my head, something deep inside of me said no. There's more to life than this. You just have to wait and everything will get better.

Forget and just move on.

2007-04-04T22:51:32Z

FUCK LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING.

2007-04-04T03:25:46Z

GOD DAMNIT!! :(

FUCK IT.

2007-04-04T03:00:54Z

i can't keep going like this... pretending like everything is okay or alright.. i can't keep faking everything anymore. this is driving me insane. i'm about to just give up. i hate myself so much words could never describe it. i feel as if i have nothing left, no one.. nothing to hold onto anymore.. in a way i don't want to give up, but then again i have no other choice..

letsplythisgame @ 2007-04-02T22:27:00

2007-04-03T03:30:46Z

Well, I'm feeling good today. Beside the fact of my family might be moving. But other then that things are going sort of alright. I'm satisfied about things. And I love this feeling. Well I'm way too tired to write anything right now, and of course this is really not worth my time. Goodnight.